Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Pulling at my heart ...

I want it one way, they're telling me to go another. I see the joy, contentment and love, they see disaster and difficulty. I see adventure, they see destruction. The very people who's opinion I hold at the highest esteem are the people who are telling me I'm wrong. I don't think I'm wrong. I know I'm stubborn and I know that I have a tendency to go against people's advice for the sheer pleasure of doing things my own way. I've always had to learn the hard way. This sucks, I'm well aware. However, I don't think this is a "learning the hard way" sort of matter. I have prayed about this for endless hours. I have cried tears that felt like they would never end. I have discussed it with people who's opinion matters. I have sought counsel in the midst of it all. They see the gap, they see the unconventional way that this is going, and they fear for me. I never said I wasn't afraid. I never said that this was the way that everything was supposed to happen. I've also never had a specific plan for my life. I know what I want. For the first time in years I truly know what I want. I feel peace about it. I'm not making hasty decisions. I'm walking through each day knowing the direction that I'm headed and knowing that I'm walking straight into an intense battle, yet I'm not afraid of the fight. I know there will be tears to shed. I know that my heart will be broken because the people who I love the most are the people who completely disagree with me. But I'm not making foolish decisions. I've spent countless hours praying about this. I don't know for certain what the future holds, but I know that I have peace about where I'm headed. I also know that many of you are sitting back wondering what on Earth I'm talking about! :) My apologies for any confusion. Because the situation I'm in is not necessarily something that society considers "acceptable", it's one that I'm hesitant to share openly with everybody. However, that being said, I truthfully have no problem talking about it, because it is something I am incredibly excited and passionate about. If you've got my number, that means we're friends, and you're more than welcome to call and inquire. If not, well .. not to be rude, but mind your own business! :) :) :)

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And a quick weekend update (for those who asked), the garage sale failed miserably! It was insanely cold in all that snow and I bailed on helping and went back to bed. That being said, we're opening again this coming Saturday morning - stop by if you've got the time!
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