Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Faith, or lack thereof

This is something that I feel God is trying to drill into my heart - and something that I am really struggling with. In so many ways in the last two weeks I have felt Him telling me to have faith, to truly believe. Where am I lacking faith? Ever since my miscarriage, I am truly doubting my body's ability to carry a baby to full term. Ridiculous, I know, but it's a fear that is haunting me and almost making me scared to be pregnant again. That being said, in the last couple of weeks, I have heard many sermons about the need to prepare myself for the baby and to expect the baby. Like the man who was praying for rain - God said he would bring it and so one man prepared his fields for it, while the other did not. I need to prepare my fields. I truly believe that part of that is really making my body ready - no more occasional glasses of wine, cutting down to caffeine free coffee in the morning, that sort of thing. The other is truly believing. God had spoken to me through something I read in my Bible this past week, saying that faith is not seeing the end result and then believing, but it is believing that it is going to happen before it happens. I really need to work on this. So my request is one that is a typical request of me, please keep me in your prayers. Please pray that I will be able to overcome this obstacle of fear and doubt and instead that I will be excited to bring another baby into our home. Monte and I have talked many times about having another child, and I finally was to the point that I was extremely excited about it -- and I lost the baby. I just fear that it will happen again. I know I need to start speaking the truth to my body - speaking that I will carry a healthy baby to term and have a huge blessing in my life by doing so. Faith comes by hearing - and hearing by speaking it aloud, right?! Slightly misquoted, but you get my point.

Thank you for the prayers - my three-year-old is ready for breakfast, so I need to tend to him!
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