Through my relationship with Monte, I have learned something about myself that I don't think I was completely aware of prior to being married: I am a very black-and-white no-room-for-gray, all or nothing personality. This doesn't necessarily reflect my relationship with Monte, but it's something that I have learned about myself due to the fact that my amazing hubby has lots of room for gray and is definitely NOT all or nothing. Is that good? Is it bad? Is one wrong and the other right? I don't think so. I just know that this is how we are individually, which compliments and sometimes makes things challenging as a couple.
As you may know, I've been sick this week. I'm still not feeling fabulous, but I'm nowhere near as sick as I was. That being said, on Wednesday night I told Monte that my goal for Thursday was to get all of our laundry done (being I haven't touched laundry since last week). I'm a bit of an extremist! Can't hardly walk, but I'm going to go up and down our stairs with huge baskets of laundry and make sure it's all completed by the end of the day. Monte's response: "Maybe your goal should just be to spend the day out of bed?!" He wasn't being rude by any means, he just understood that this was definitely not an all or nothing situation. He understood that I would need to take small steps into that gray area to go from the nothing of laying in bed feeling miserable to the all of feeling great and healthy and functioning like I normally would!
When Thursday came, I think I was more thankful for my husband than what I have ever been. He knew the fact that I wouldn't be strong enough to do laundry and that I would overexert myself trying to do so! He understood that there has to be room for the gray area, because in order to grow, you don't just jump from complete lack to complete understanding. There's a process.
Seems like I'm finally learning that there's a process. I guess my all-or-nothing mentality needs a little tweaking. :)
This got me thinking to the other "alls" in my life. What do I need to do with ALL of me? The one thing that sticks out more than anything is this:
Mark 12:30 "And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment."
In my mind, this is not an all-or-nothing thing, this is not something that allows room for grays .. this is just an ALL thing. You just do it. You just use ALL of your heart, soul, mind and strength to love our God.
When I look at my relationship with my husband, I can tell him with complete honesty that I love him with all that I am. Every ounce, every inch, every part of me is completely in love with him. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for him (within the boundaries of my morals, of course!). I love him with my ALL.
When I look at my relationship with God, I can say that I love Him with everything within me. I can say that my heart longs to spend time with Him, my lips long to praise Him, I long to adore Him, I long to sit in communion with Him. I want to know Him and be near Him entirely because that's the same way He feels about me! I love Him with my ALL.
God calls us His bride. We are his bride and He is our bridegroom. He loves us with such passion and unconditional love that He calls us His bride. When I look at my Monte, my groom, never would I ever think of telling him that our relationship is all-or-nothing, that my love for him is all-or-nothing because the only option for me is that our relationship is ALL. I give my ALL to him, to love him and to be with him.
And when I look at my God, when I talk to my Savior, I would never think of telling him that our relationship is all-or-nothing, for it, too, is nothing but ALL.
And that's the way it was meant to be.