Monday, January 11, 2010

I'm Moving On

I've spent much of today in reflection over this past year.  Much of it has to do with the fact that Monte and I decided to stay put in the house we live in, thus bringing me to thinking about friendships - new ones formed, old ones treasured and, sadly, ones lost.  This past year seems to have been a significant year for the latter of that list - it seems that friendships have been lost in abundance.  Truth be told, this bothers me a LOT.  Some of these lost friendships were with people who were in my life for a short period of time.  While the time they were in my life was very significant and they were friendships I treasured dearly, I feel a bit of a frustration when I think about the fact that the significance of the friendships have already worn out.  The thing that hurts more, though, is the lost friendships with people who have been in my life for many years.  One of these in particular is frustrating to me.  See, if I am honest with myself, I would say that the friendship had diminished several years ago when life got busy for both of us and communicating and seeing each other became much more difficult.  Something in me decided it was time to put finality on the end of this friendship and I closed the door on it this past year.

Surprisingly enough, it still hurts.  The friendship that had died years earlier, one that truly was effortless because we both put zero effort into it - that's the one that bothers me.

The entire theme of friendships has been playing on my mind and I finally figured out why:

Monte and I are staying in this house and I currently have less than a handful of friends in this area.  That bothers me to no end!  When we talked about moving, the thing that made me excited about it was the fact that I would be living closer to my sister and my brother, closer to the friends I have in the northern suburbs - closer to the people who I feel safe around because I know them inside and out.  It was exciting to know that I was going to be near the people I so dearly love.  By no means am I saying that I'm not excited about staying here - I truly am thrilled about it - I just wish I had the friendships in this area that I do elsewhere.

Don't get me wrong, I have done quite a bit to form friendships and get to know people.  I've joined the MOPs group at my church, I've chaperoned many events at my kids' schools in order to meet people - I have put myself out there.  The problem with this is that, while I have met many wonderful people, these people are still my acquaintances.  I truly don't feel that I can even say they're my friends, and that makes me so sad!  I want the kind of friend that I can call up out of the blue just to say hello and see what they're doing for the day.  My sweet sister is amazing, as she is my friend that I call every single day!  I just wish there was someone that I could invite over for a playdate and feel comfortable having them and their kids in my home.

Right now, I just don't have that.

Lord, I'm feeling a major void inside because I haven't yet established relationships with women in this area.  Please open the doors to lifelong friendships, to people who can be that friend that I so desperately need.  I give this situation to You and trust that You will bring the answers my heart longs for.  I love You Lord - thank You for loving me.

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