Sell My House!

I know I mentioned in a previous post that we currently have our home on the market in anticipation of selling and moving closer to our extended family.

Our home, desperately searching for its next owner!! :)

When we listed our home on February 25th, I was filled with excitement and anticipation about what this journey would bring.  Now, 92 days, 25 showings and five open houses later I would have to admit that my spirit is dragging.

We have already reduced the price once with anticipation of drawing the attention of new buyers, but unfortunately we have yet to draw the attention of someone who wants to buy our property.

I can't help but feel frustrated at the fact that it hasn't sold.  I can't help but feel frustrated with the whole process.  I can't help but feel frustrated at the possibility of it not selling and our family not moving.

In my frustration, I can't help but wonder if it is God's plan to keep us in this house, or if there is a possibility that He is trying to teach us something through this long journey.  I can't help but let my emotions go on a roller coaster of their own - getting super excited and hopeful for a sale, and then bombing out at the bottom and being super frustrated and ready to just pull the house from the market.

I've never been through the sale or purchase of a home before, so I think I came into this sale with unrealistic expectations.  However, 92 days of people telling you they're not really interested can start to wear on you after awhile.

Lord, my faith is taking a beating here.  I really haven't been able to see beyond what I want to know if it's what You want for our family.  Please remove the blinders from my heart and my eyes and allow me to see what You desire for us.  Open the doors that need to be opened and slam shut the ones we shouldn't even look at.  Help us to put our trust in You.  

... and I really would love it if You wanted to bring us a buyer.  I really really would :)

If I Could Have a Conversation With My Children's Mother ...

No, I don't mean a conversation with myself.  I mean a conversation with Kelley.  She was my four oldest children's mother (so, if I were being technical, my step-children's mom).  She was killed in a snowmobiling accident when my oldest was 10 and my youngest was 2.  She was a phenomenal woman - a loving wife, sister, daughter, friend - and most of all, an incredibly devoted mother.  I often wonder what a conversation with her would be like.

Kelley had one very beautiful smile, and my kids tell me she loved hats!

I imagine that we would sit down with our cups of coffee and, all jealousy aside over both of us so dearly loving Monte, I think we would have a great conversation.  

Kelley and the kids (from left to right) Iain, Colin, Ellis and Claire on the day of Colin's baptism.

There are a lot of questions that I would love to ask her.  I would love to know what her dreams were for her children.  I would love to know where she envisioned them years down the road as they move into adulthood.  Did she know that Claire wants to be a neurosurgeon?  Was she aware of Iain's dream of playing baseball for the Phillies?  Did she see Ellis's love for outdoors as something that will follow him into adulthood and a career?  What did she dream for dear, sweet Colin (who was only 2 when she passed away)?

Kelley, Colin, Ellis, Claire and Iain in the pool on a family vacation to Breckenridge, CO.

I would love to ask her how she dealt with the stress that can come with raising so many kids.  I would love to know if there was a system she followed in her day-to-day routine, or if she was able to just "wing it".  I want to know how she handled it when one of the kids would sink into a "funk" of a mood and what she did to help bring them out.

Ellis, Iain, Kelley and Claire dealing with a funk of a mood while on a family hike!

I want to know what she dreamed her relationship with her kids would be like.  Did she see her and Claire being incredibly close?  Would she and Iain enjoy playing sports together?  Would she jump in on a game of hunting with Ellis and Colin?  Part of me truly believes that the answer to all of these questions is a big, loud YES!  Knowing her love for her kids, I have no doubt in my mind that she would have given anything she possibly could to be close to them and make them happy. 

Kelley and Claire on a paddle boating trip.

More than anything, I want to ask her if she knows how much I truly love her children.  I know my love for them can never be what her love for them was - there is absolutely nothing that can replace or match mama's love; but my love for them is fierce.  I want the absolute best for them in this life.  I want them to know each and every single day how unconditionally loved they are.  I want them to know that our home is always a safe place for them and that they can always come to Dad and me about anything, anytime.  And I really want Kelley to know that.

I want her to know that I think I'm doing a good job raising her kids - because, I promise, I am trying with absolutely everything in me.  

I want her to know that everything is alright.  I really do.

A Life Beautifully Lived

A week ago today, on Tuesday, April 23, my Grandma Evelyn passed away.  She was 90 years old and had lived a very full life.  My sister and I, along with our two youngest munchkins (Khloe and Ethan) were able to go visit her a few weeks ago - a visit for which I will forever be grateful.  I got to look into my Grandma's beautiful blue eyes and tell her just how much I love her and I got to hear her talk about her excitement to finally see Jesus face-to-face.  She was at a point where she was done with everything here - there was no more reason to eat when she could be feasting in Heaven.  I am so thankful that she had Jesus in her heart, which means that we will see each other again!

Grandma and I - February 2011 

Growing up, we would visit my Grandma every Saturday (as we lived only 15 minutes apart) and we would spend time together playing 'Kings in the Corner' and eating Pinwheel cookies (which were my favorite, once upon a time).  We would listen to "Wheeler Dealer" on the radio and watch "The Andy Griffith Show" and "The Waltons" on TV.  My memories of her are priceless and she will forever be in my heart.

Khloe, Grandma, Ethan and I - February 2011

I love you so much, Grandma!  Enjoy your reward, dance with Jesus and eat the feast prepared for you.  I miss you like crazy and can't wait to see you again!

Evelyn Anderson

July 16, 1922 - April 23, 2013

Ethan-isms

My darling little boy is now almost 29 months old.  Funny that I put it that way when I promised myself I wasn't going to count his age month-by-month, so allow me to correct myself: my darling little boy is now two-years-old.

He is a ball of energy and excitement!  He loves to play outside, to "drive" my truck (in other words, to sit in the driver's seat and hit every button and switch he can find!), to chase each other through the house, to play, but most of all he loves to TALK!

Here are some of the precious things that come out of his mouth quite frequently (that I'm blogging about because I don't ever want to forget them!):

"My Rumple-Tum-Tum" - this is what he calls his belly!  It's my fault, really, because I started telling him that his stomach was his "rum-a-tum-tum", and that changed into rumple-tum-tum.  It's incredibly cute, though!

"Christmas Clear" - if the kids are in trouble and Monte is correcting their behavior, he often ends with asking them if it's clear to them how they're supposed to behave.  They say yes, he then asks them "How Clear?".  The expected response is "crystal clear", but Ethan has this one just a little confused!! :)

"The Forte Giant" - this comes from an episode of Little Einsteins.  In the specific episode, there is a giant (called The Forte Giant), who sings "Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum".  Ethan loved this so much that he often will go and put on anybody's shoes, stomp his feet and sing out "FE-FI-FO-FUM! ... I'm a Forte Giant!"

He's also a truth teller (which is great!).  For example, last night Monte saw him eating a piece of chocolate right before bed, so he (Monte) asked me, "did you give Ethan this chocolate or did he just take it?"  Before I had a chance to say anything, Ethan looks Monte square in the eyes and says, "I just take it."  :)

He's such a silly little boy who makes me laugh all the time!  I'm so grateful that he is mine :)

Randomly Updating

It seems as though I've abandoned my blog, which I truly kind of have.  Life has been extremely busy for me as of late ... these are the things we've been up to since my last post:

My amazing husband and I celebrated four years of being married (and no, this picture isn't from our anniversary .. I just realized we don't have many "just us" pictures anymore!).

We celebrated Christmas as a family (this was the picture on our Christmas card).

We threw a surprise birthday party for Claire, and some of her friends came over and spent the night.

Monte and I went on vacation to Playa del Carmen, Mexico where we stayed at an incredibly beautiful hotel and spent as much time in the sun as possible!

We celebrated Colin's 7th birthday with a Lego cake made by the world's best nanny, Krista!

Our front-toothless birthday boy got lots of great presents, too!

I've done a lot of snow removal...

... and plan on doing more with the anticipated 6 to 10 inches of snow that we're supposed to get in the next two days!

And unfortunately, we've had many bouts of sickness sweep through our family.

We also are listing our home for sale with anticipation of moving to a suburb that is closer to our extended families!  There has been so much going on and so much change lately - and that is why I've been away from the blog.  Here's hoping I learn to update more regularly! :)

I'm Too Young

As of late, this is a theme that has been replaying in my life over and over and over and over, and I don't understand the reason.  It seems that 28 is the new 15 when it comes to receiving advice from me.  Granted, this isn't the case in all situations, but in many it truly is.  I can't help but wonder why.  It seems that it is the same few people who continue to talk down to me in the "you have no idea what this is like" stance.

Really?  Would I be offering up my opinion or ANY amount of advice if I didn't understand where you were coming from?

No.  I truly would not.

I find myself feeling frustrated at the fact that people look at me as being younger.  Let's be honest - there are not many women who are near my own age who are in the place of life where I am.  A few, yes, but not many.  A majority of my friends are about 10 years older than I am, and when I am with them, they don't point out my age difference or make me feel any less relevant because of it.

So why do others?  Why is it that other people fixate on my 28 years as being inexperienced?  There are so many areas of life that I have too much experience; heartache, loneliness, desperately wanting something more ... check, check and check.  Love, laughter, a live overflowing with happiness ... done, done and done!  Anger, frustration, sadness ... been there, done that.

So maybe this all goes back to this post.  Maybe it really is more about me being confident in the woman that God created me to be.  I am a mother to five awesome children, a wife to one very amazing man, a scheduler of our busy lives, a manager of our household, a laundry goddess, a cleaning guru, a Norwex-seller extraordinaire, an accounts payable representative, a referee of all fights, a judge of the "trials" that happen between siblings in our home, a daughter to three amazing parents (three because I have a step-dad, too!), a sister to three phenomenal siblings, a sister-in-law, a step-sister, an aunt, a cousin, a friend and an extreme goofball.

A woman with a huge desire to use my life experience to help others.  To let my story be the thing that touches them and teaches them about the love of our Savior.

So yes, I am only 28.  If my 28-year-old self doesn't qualify to offer advice to you, please just simply say "thank you" instead of talking down to me.  You may not think that I understand because of where my life is today, but I have been deeper in the trenches than most people know, and I have one very awesome God to thank for walking with me through those trenches and leading me out into glorious light.

Beautiful, shining, victorious light ...

Photo courtesy of Google Images

Happy Birthday Ethan!

This past Wednesday (November 7th) we celebrated Ethan's 2nd birthday!  We had so much fun!  We started the day with a nebulizer treatment, since our birthday boy is currently fighting off a nasty cold ...

 We had "Ethan's choice" for dinner, which turned out to be Macaroni & Cheese with hot dogs (I really wasn't surprised that he chose that .. he is a two-year-old, after all!) and followed that up with some really yummy cupcakes ...

Ethan opened his present - a bouncing Tigger doll - and couldn't eat his cupcake fast enough to be done and play with it!

Then, once he was playing with Tigger, I couldn't get him to turn and look at the camera even once!

Happy 2nd Birthday my little love!  I am so grateful that you are mine and that I have had the last two years with you in my life.  I hardly remember what our family was like before you arrived!  Daddy and I love you SO much!!