Monday, November 30, 2009

For TODAY ...

Outside my window ... the sun is shining, the lake is calm and still like a sheet of glass, the squirrels are running wildly, and someone from the city is outside spray painting lines in our lawn (identifying the water/sewer/gas/etc).

I am thinking ... about my UPS package that's arriving today and the fact that I'm hoping it arrives later this afternoon when I'm home because the delivery of it requires a signature!

I am thankful for ... my God, my husband, my kids, my family, my faith, my church, my friends, my doctors, my home ..... my LIFE!

I am wearing ... jeans that are too short, a brown T-shirt and my Hilfiger sweatshirt (you know, the one that I bought for Monte for Christmas last year and then shrunk it down so much that it now fits me!).

I am remembering ... Monte's late wife and my kids' mama, Kelley.  I never knew her, but she is always in my mind, especially coming into the holiday season.  I'm looking for creative ways to remember her and honor her memory during the holidays.

I am going ... to meet with Colin's preschool teacher in 45 minutes.

I am currently reading ... The Bible.  Amazingly enough, there are no other books that I'm reading at this moment!

I am hoping ... for Christmas to reflect its true meaning in our house this year.  For it to be less about the materialistic side and the presents (though we will still be giving presents to the kids!) and for it to be more about the birth of our Savior.

On my mind ... How wonderful it was to have my husband and kids home on a four day weekend and how much I'm looking forward to having them home for TWO WEEKS during Christmas (no, Monte isn't taking two weeks off of work, but the kids have two weeks off of school!).

Noticing that ... my house drastically needs to be cleaned - especially since we cleaned out the garage and my "storage pantry" for extra kitchen items has been demolished!  My counters are covered with bowls, serving platters, coolers, a coffee thermos ...... :)

Pondering these words ... "Your love, oh Lord, reaches to the heavens.  Your faithfulness stretches to the sky.  Your righteousness is like a mighty mountain.  Your justice flows like the ocean's tide."

From the kitchen ... This week features Tater Tot Hotdish (at the request of my husband!), Spaghetti, Chicken Cordon Bleu, Meatloaf, and steaks on the grill.  All with lots of various side dishes! :)

Around the house ... the laundry is washing, the radio is playing, the counters are screaming of how they need to be cleaned (can you tell that this is on my 'to do' list today?!).

One of my favorite things ... is seeing the outfits that Ellis chooses out for himself.  They always make me smile :)  What tops it off, though, is when he's modeling the outfits and he still has food on his face (because he almost always has food on his face)!

From my Picture Journal ... Colin and Elijah all dressed up for Thanksgiving ...

... and Abby, post bath, lots of crazy hair!

To join in on The Simple Woman's Daybook, visit the blog here!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

In preparation for hosting Thanksgiving this year, my kitchen and dining room started off by looking like this ...

... and like this ...

... and while I will admit that it took a long time to get all of that organized and into my cupboards and refrigerators, it did eventually get cleaned up!  My brother, Tory, and his family joined us at our home for Turkey Day festivities this year and it was completely wonderful to get to spend some time with them!  It really blessed my heart to see Colin playing so well with my nephew, Elijah, as this has not always been the case in the past - but at this particular gathering, they played as if they were old buddies!

Lisa and I spent much time cooking and cleaning (though I have to give credit to Monte and Tory, as they did almost all of the post dinner clean up!) ...

... *sorry Lisa, this is the only mid-cooking picture of us that I have!  Once the meal preparation was complete, we sat down and enjoyed an amazing dinner, of which I completely forgot to capture a photo!  Oops :)  After dinner and clean up, we played a pretty intense game of Monopoly, complete with people forming allies with other players against all the rest of the players.  Intense, I tell you.  Intense! :)

After Monopoly and some chatting, we called it a night.  The next morning we were all up bright and early and showered and played with 'le bebe' (my beautiful newborn niece, Abby):

... and Ellis chose out his dressy clothes for the day ... :)

... and we all loaded up into our vehicles and headed to my brother, Jeremy's, house for yet another Thanksgiving dinner.  Due to the fact that Jeremy had to work on Thanksgiving Day, we were all getting together to celebrate on Black Friday (no shopping included).  It was a great day of food, laughs, kids playing at the park, rocking the baby to sleep (have I mentioned that I'm a total baby hog?!) and enjoying the company of family.  It ended with a group picture of all of the grandchildren (a.k.a. all of my children, as well as my nieces and nephews) ...

... aren't they a crazy cute bunch?!  All in all, Thanksgiving weekend has been an amazing one for us!  I've got updates coming soon as to how my most recent doctor's appointment went (and about the appointment coming up on Wednesday) and an update as to why we've emptied all of the contents of our garage and are no longer using it.  Stay tuned for those updates!  Hoping your holiday was splendid!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Today I am going to my OBGYN office for yet another appointment.  Today's appointment is going to consist of an ultrasound and a Doctor's Visit.  I am bringing Colin with me, hoping and praying that he will be satisfied playing with the few toys we bring and reading the few books we bring.  Today's appointment determines the next direction that we go.  Today's appointment moves me forward in the fertility process.  Somehow, though, today's appointment does not have me anxious, worried or nervous.  I feel as if I am moving forward confidently, knowing that this is just another step I'm taking toward the day I conceive and carry my baby, another step toward the day I get to be pregnant, another step toward the day that I meet our next child.

Today is a beautiful day and I have a lot to give thanks for!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Do you know the significance of this photo?  Well, allow me to explain.  I am quite aware that it is not the most flattering photo of me.  I'm aware that Colin's room is a bit messy (but come on, when is it not?!).  I'm aware that we're reading bedtime stories and this is one of my most cherished moments of the day.  Guess what?  The true significance in this photo for me (at least at this time) is the fact that I pulled it off of my working wonderfully having lost nothing on it computer!  That's right.  About one hour on the phone to Dell support allowed me to walk through a few steps with the Technical Support guy and VOILA .. the computer is back to normal!

Thank You God!!

So, now that the computer is working again, I will soon enough be back to regularly blogging (which  means I will be regularly commenting again, too!) and catching up on my email.  However, today is not the day that I'm going to do that, entirely because of the insane mess that surrounds me.  More to come on that.

For now, the sound of the laundry is calling my name and I would be a fool to not respond to it!  Hoping all of you had as amazing of a weekend as I did (more to come on that, as well!) and that your week is filled with blessings!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Some days I feel incredibly frustrated with myself. This morning is one of those days. See, about a week ago, I had the pressing thought that maybe, just MAYBE, it would be a good time to run a backup on my computer, as I have not done so in almost a year. However, having many other things on my schedule for the day, I put the thought off. It came back to me several times that day, and I continued to push it off, telling myself that I would do it later.

Guess what? Later never came. Wednesday morning I pushed the power button on my laptop and sat there and watched as it crashed before my eyes. AAGHHHH!! Alright, maybe I can't say crashed, but I can say that the crazy thing won't start. It keeps running a "startup repair" program, that just can't repair the startup. I'm at a loss! Thankfully, I purchased this laptop a little over a year ago from my friend Chris, as he has a business account with Dell. Chris has informed me that the computer is covered by a three-year warranty and that they have a great support team who will even come to my house to make the repairs. All I have to do is call them and make it happen. So have I made this call yet? Nope. Instead, I have consumed my days with laundry and cleaning, entirely because I don't want to face the fact that perhaps, just PERHAPS, I may have lost a years worth of pictures, some blog documents as well as business documents for our rental properties.

So now, I am sitting in the basement in my children's corner of the world. Sitting at their desk, typing on their clickity clackity keyboard (the noise of which is driving me bonkers!) and just feeling ready to kick myself for not backing up my files.

I even had a great picture that I was going to post about, but I no longer can. I digress ...


This weekend is a fabulously special one for Monte and I. Why is that? Because it is our date weekend! That's right, we're not just having a date night, we've got an entire weekend to ourselves! We're bringing the kids to a couple of their aunt's houses and spending the weekend at home, just the two of us. I am so excited for this time with my husband - so excited, in fact, that I am skipping out on The Pioneer Woman's book signing at the Mall of America tomorrow.

Yep, I'm THAT excited. My husband must be the most awesome man in the world.

I digress ...


Many of you likely caught my risque blog post that I wrote this past week regarding the need for intimacy in your marriage. While I did receive a small amount of negative feedback on that post, the positive feedback I received was overwhelming! At the request of a few people close to me, this post has been removed from my blog. However, I am planning on doing a little editing and bringing it to more of a PG rating before I repost it. I do think that the message is a very important one, that intimacy within a marriage is not only important but very necessary, and because of that I am excited to repost it - just not this weekend!

Thank you to all who wrote with positive responses - they were very much appreciated (but unfortunately a little late, as most of them that I received were after I had pulled the post).


Finally, my email inbox is overflowing right now! With my computer in the state it is, it is going to be a little bit before I get to writing back to those who have written me. Please know, if you have contacted me, I am going to write back! I just need some time! :)

If you need to contact me, you can reach me at the email address listed in my right sidebar :)

Hoping everybody's weekend is phenomenal!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

There's this woman who you may have heard of.  She sits on the other side of the computer and posts the things that show up on this blog.  She's the one who may walk around for days with a blog post brewing in her mind, only to turn around and put it on your screen in 10 minutes.  She's the 25 year old who is married to a 43 year old.  She's the one with four stepchildren.  Who is she?  She is Kami.  Who is Kami?

I am Kami.

There are many things in my life that define who I am.  First and foremost, I am a child of God.  I would not be where I am today if it weren't for His mercy, grace and love.

I am a wife to an absolutely amazing man.  I am a stepmom to four completely phenomenal children.

I am a daughter, a sister, a niece and a friend.  I am the woman who will take fashion over function any day of the week.  I am an extreme extrovert.  I love to try new things.  I love meeting new people.  I love to host dinners, parties and any sort of celebration.  I love having people visit my home.  I love date nights with my hubby.  I enjoy baking, though don't have the sweet tooth necessary to enjoy the things I've baked!  I have a passion for working with youth.  I have a heart for people.  I love to eat ice cream.  I love phone conversations with my mom and have come to learn that there are few things in life more valuable than these chats.  I am in love with my God, my husband, my family.

After God and my husband, my siblings are my best friends.

*Side note: After searching for that picture, I realized how desperately I need to update my collection of 'sibling photos'!*  I love curling up in a blanket with a hot cup of tea and reading a book.  I also love cuddling up with the kids on a cold, snowy night and watching the snow fall.  I love reading bedtime stories and kissing owies.  I'm learning how to cook a bigger variety of food.  I live and love very passionately.  I truly care about the people who read my blog and spend time checking out the blogs of those who comment on mine.

I'm goofy and spontaneous, yet stubborn and anal.  I'm simple yet complex.  I'm black and white, yet I'm an array of colors.

I live my life to passionately love God, my family and my friends and I live to love my life!

I'm very sorry to have to say it, but you all win.  Apparently my most recent blog post appears to be too personal of a topic for many of my readers to be comfortable with.  That being said, it has been removed and you have my word that I will stick to topics that will make you all smile.  I've saved said post, along with all of your comments, and will keep it for myself, as that is what you wanted originally anyway.

I am going into temporary blog hibernation.  I may be back as soon as tomorrow, it may be a week, I really don't know.  I will be back when I have inspiration to write about something that will bring my readers warm fuzzy feelings.

In the meantime, if you are in an area that receives Fox 9 news out of the Twin Cities, tune in tomorrow (Wednesday November 18th) at 9pm to see a special on blogging featuring my family.  I'm uncertain as to exactly what time within the news broadcast it will be on, but I have been told that it would be early in the news.

Hoping you all have a good day ....

Friday, November 13, 2009

My Little Life

Five Question Friday is a blog carnival started by Mama M - hop over to her blog to see who else is playing!

1. What is your favorite "eat" on Thanksgiving?
While I love to host Thanksgiving, and am excited to do so again this year, there really isn't any specific thing that screams YUMMO at me!  I guess, if I have to choose, I would go with the Green Bean Casserole, entirely because I have a crazy love for green beans!

2. What is the name your best girl friend and the best trait about her or how you met (or heck, both!!)?
Her name is Tanya.  She's pretty much amazing.  We met almost 26 years ago, back in the hospital when I was just a newborn babe.  Oh, did I mention that she's my sister?!  Tanya is truly wonderful.  She's 11 years older than I am, which I think is wonderful because it has allowed a very deep connection between us.  Whatever I seem to be going through as a new parent, she usually has great advice for me.  She's all around lots of fun!

3. What would you say is one of your "weirdest" quirks?
I don't know if you would call it a quirk, necessarily, but I love to organize things.  Whether it be organizing the junk drawer in my house or organizing a big get-together with friends and family .. I just love it!

4. What is your favorite genre of music? (Hip hop? Classical? Rock? etc.)
I almost always listen to Christian music.  I'm a big believer in the fact that the things you see and hear have an effect on you, even if you don't realize it.  Because of that, I like to fill my mind with positive music!

5. Are you a Night Owl...or an Early Bird?
Why is it assumed that you have to be one or the other?  I am neither of these - I am a thriving-in-the-middle-of-the-day kind of woman!

MckLinky Blog Hop

Thursday, November 12, 2009

1.  What time did you get up this morning?
I woke up shortly after 6:00am, but didn't get out of bed until about 6:40am.  I let myself sleep in a little bit! :)

2.  How do you like your steak?
Medium or Medium Rare, depending on where I'm ordering from!

3.  What is the last film you saw at the cinema?
Oh goodness .. ummm .. Monte and I went and saw a movie quite awhile ago, and it was a chick flick, too (my hubby is amazing to let me watch so many chick flicks!) but for the life of me I can't remember what it was!  OH - I think it was "He's Just Not That Into You".  I think.

4.  What is your favorite TV show?
I don't watch much TV, but if I had a choice it would be almost anything on HGTV.  Unfortunately, we don't get that station!

5.  If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Right where I am at.  I love Minnesota!

6.  What did you have for breakfast?
Cereal.  I hate to admit it, but I had Cocoa Puffs!!

7.  What is your favorite cuisine?
Give me meat, potatoes and a veggie and I'm completely satisfied!

8.  What food do you dislike?
Squash, sweet potatoes and peas.  Yuck!

9.  Favorite place to eat?

10.  Favorite dressing on a salad?
Certain balsamic vinaigrettes.

11.  What kind of vehicle do you drive?
An '05 Suburban Z71.  I love it!

12.  What are your favorite clothes?
Let's just start at Maurices and stop there!  I am very much fashion over function, and I have no problem finding almost anything that I love right there!

13.  If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?
New Zealand.  I've heard it's beautiful!

14.  Is your cup half empty or half full?
What's this half stuff?  My cup is overflowing!!

15.  Where would you want to retire?
In my house, with my husband.  That's all that really defines that decision :)

16.  What is your favorite time of the day?
About 9:00pm, once the kids have been tucked in and Monte and I can finally sit back and relax and enjoy some "just us" time!

17.  Where were you born?
In my hometown, which is in Minnesota!

18.  What is your favorite sport to watch?
Football.  No question about that!

19.  Are you a morning person or a night person?
Neither!  I am a middle-of-the-day person!

20.  Do you have any pets?
Just a few fish and a leopard gecko - and that's sufficient enough for me!

21.  What did you want to be when you were little?
A wife and a mom.  And once upon a time I wanted to be a lawyer.  I really don't want that anymore!

22.  What is your favorite childhood memory?
Playing with my brother, Tory.  I'm certain that I must've been the annoying little sister, but he was so great about happily including me almost all of the time!

23.  Are you a cat or a dog person?
Neither, really, but if I had to choose I would say a dog person.

24.  Are you married?
Absolutely am - to the most wonderful man I have ever met!

25.  Do you wear your seatbelt?
Always.  Every single time, no matter what.  Yes.

26.  Have you ever been in a car accident?
I've been a passenger in a couple of fender benders, but nothing major.

27.  Do you have any pet peeves?
People who don't use their turn signals, crazy drivers who ride your tail, people reading over my shoulder when I'm on the computer ... to name a few! :)

28.  What is/are your favorite pizza topping(s)?
Pepperoni, mushroom and green olive.  Yummo!

29.  Do you have a favorite flower?
I love lilies.  Yes indeed I do.

30.  Favorite ice cream flavor?
Chocolate.  Plain and simple.

31.  Favorite fast food restaurant?
I don't have a favorite, as I really don't love fast food.

32.  How many times did you fail your drivers test?

33.  From whom did you receive your last email?
Umm ... let me look ... Steve Olejnicak!

34.  If you could max out your credit card at any store, which would you choose?
Well, Maurices, of course!

35.  What are you listening to right now?
Claire practicing her trombone!

36.  Who was the last person you went out to dinner with?
My mom, my two aunts (Ann and Lila) and my grandma!

37.  What time is it?
5:02 pm.

Well that was fun! :)  Hope you are all having a wonderful evening - I'm off to enjoy date night with my hubby!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

As many of you know, I had my Hysterosalpingogram yesterday.  I think that I was a bit nervous, though I didn't feel that way - it just occurred to me in different areas, like the fact that I hardly slept the night before!  So, I dropped Colin off at our neighbor's house and drove the 45 minutes to the hospital.  I arrived at the check-in desk at 10:00 AM and was surprised to be greeted by my old friends Kim (a male Kim, mind you) and Mary Kay!  ** Remember them, Becca? **  It was such a wonderful surprise, as I had no idea that this was where they both worked.  I went with Mary Kay back to a cubical where she went over the registration paperwork with me and we very briefly caught up on each others lives (I haven't seen them in almost two years).  What a blessing to see her again, as Mary Kay is a woman who has always been very dear to my heart! :)

After my registration was complete, I was given a pager and asked to sit in the waiting room.  I had sat no more than one minute when the pager went off!  So, off they took me to Radiology.  I was directed into a room, told to change into one of those beautiful hospital gowns, given a robe to put over it and sticky socks to wear on my feet and told to crack the door when I was through dressing.  Okay, easy enough.  Once all that was said and done, I opened the door and sat back on the chair in my room.  Very shortly afterward, Rebecca (one of my nurses) came in and went through even more paperwork with me.  Once the paperwork was complete, I was told that I still had about another 40 minutes until my actual appointment started, so I was directed to sit back and relax.  Thankfully, it was quite easy to find HGTV on the TV in my room, so relaxing was easy as can be (did I mention I have a secret love for HGTV?  I think partially it's because we don't have cable at home, so being we don't get the station, it's always a rare treat to get to watch it!).  At 11:00 AM sharp, another nurse came and got me and brought me to the X-Ray room.  I was met by Dr. H. who explained the procedure to me and got me set up.  I got to watch the X-Ray itself on a TV monitor that was in the room, which was actually quite cool.  They lined up the X-Ray machine on my pelvis area and, upon inserting a certain type of dye into my uterus, you could slowly see the shape of my uterus appear on the TV monitor.  Despite the oddness of this type of appointment, I have to admit that it was really cool to get to see this!

Once the procedure (which only took about 10 or 15 minutes) was complete I was allowed to use the restroom and clean up and then was directed to a wheelchair that was waiting for me.  There I sat and talked with Dr. H. about my upcoming options (which I will discuss in a moment).  After our discussion, I was wheeled back to my room where they took my blood pressure and told me to just rest for awhile.  They even gave me cranberry juice and cookies - who was I to complain?!  Shortly after, they came and took my blood pressure again and gave me the thumbs up to change back into my clothes and head on home - and I did just that!

From this appointment, I came out knowing that my uterus appears to be completely normal.  There are no tears, no blocks and my fallopian tubes are open just as they should be (bet you wanted to know that information, huh?!).  So, from here, Dr. H. and I have decided the next step is to put me on Prometrium, which is a prescription that I will take for 10 days.  From what I understand, if I am ovulating I will not get a period from this prescription, and if I am not ovulating, I will get a period about four to seven days after I have completed taking the prescription.  So, I guess it comes down to about two weeks from now when we will know which direction to turn.  I am going to make another follow up appointment with Dr. H. for two weeks after I have finished taking my Prometrium and we will discuss where to go from there.

Until then, I can only sit back and enjoy life as it comes.  I can cherish the moments I have with the people in my life, I can look forward to the upcoming holiday season, I can smile like the best of them and love like no other - and that's just what I'm going to do!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

It seems, from the many comments I've received, that it appears my mom got new glasses.  Truly, though, she did not.  She is wearing the same glasses in both pictures, the first picture is just farther away and out of focus, so you can't really tell! :)
Original Post:

When we left the house around 8:00am, we looked like this:

I know the picture is blurry, and I'm very sorry that it is, but you get what you get (and you don't have a fit)!

Upon our arrival at the event, we met up with Amy, our fabulous Image Consultant who was doing our makeover.  We were introduced on stage (yes, looking like that picture!) and shown in our every day clothes.  Following this short presentation, we were whisked away and taken to get a new outfit, to have our hair cut and colored and to have a makeup application.  Among all of that, we had wonderful company from Amy and from Beth (our hairstylist), we enjoyed coffee and conversation, had lunch and ... well ... got made over!  Upon our arrival at home, we looked like this:

What a drastic change!

Unfortunately, I forgot to pull out my camera during the reveal, so you can't see the outfit that I was wearing in the makeover (the outfit in the picture is one that I already own).  I decided not to purchase the outfit that I wore, as it wasn't necessarily my favorite.  I truly believe that Amy is great at her job and the outfit she found for me was really good, though we both agreed that the stores we were limited to for this specific makeover weren't the type that offer clothes that work best for me.  So I was really content coming home and putting my clothes back on.  But would you look at my mom?!  That leather jacket and adorable scarf (and I wish you could've seen her jeans - the outfit is perfect for her!) .. she looks great!  We are both so happy with the results of our makeover!  The day was so wonderful, Amy is completely amazing and I am thrilled to have had the chance to get to know her better through this - I really feel like I couldn't have asked for a better Saturday morning!  Thank you so much, Amy, for making this such a great experience for mom and me - I truly appreciate you!

While the makeover was a very big part of our weekend, it was not the only highlight!  My grandma and two of my aunts travelled from South Dakota to come spend the weekend at my home with us, on top of my sister and niece coming for the day on Saturday.  We had so much fun, and it was so wonderful to get to see my family!

This is my grandma (Etta), my aunt (Ann), my mom (Sharon) and my aunt (Lila).  I am truly blessed to have such a phenomenal group of women in my life!

This is my niece (Breanna), my sister (Tanya), my mom and my grandma ...

... and this is me with my grandma and my mom.

We told stories, we cooked, we cleaned, we drank coffee, we laughed, we slept, we shopped, we went out to eat, we talked, we hugged and, most of all, we had a great time!  Thanks to all of these wonderful ladies for making this weekend one of the greatest I've ever had!  God certainly has blessed me indeed! :)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I know I said I wasn't going to blog again, but this one is at least worth mentioning! I talked to a nurse in my OBGYN office today and she worked through the confusion of my appointments with me and explained to me the necessity of the two separate appointments. That being said, I now have step one of my fertility exam scheduled with Dr. H this coming Tuesday, November 10. She explained that I will have some results of this on that day, and the full results a few days later.

Praise the Lord! Things are moving forward :)

I write this in anticipation that my weekend is going to be so busy with guests, fun, food, love and happiness that there just won't be a moment of time to sit down and write a blog post. My husband is going to be hunting this weekend, my kids will be at their aunts house. While I will thoroughly miss all of them, I am going to PARTY -- or at least have a good time as much as a 20-something step-mom and wife and MATURE CHRISTIAN WOMAN is able. What is all of this babbling?! Well, it just means that my mom and I are the recipients of a free makeover for both of us, and it's happening this weekend! To celebrate, we turned our small girls' weekend into a BIG weekend by inviting two of my aunts, my grandma, and my sister to come as well.

So, I will be busy all weekend long - and I love it! :)

Don't worry, I will be back next week with wonderful words and thoughts and even pictures from said makeover. But for now, as is, I am off to have myself a wonderful girls' weekend :)

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Yesterday, as Colin and I were eating lunch together, he looks at me, his face filled with curiousity, and asks, "Kami, do you jump on your bed at night after I am in my bed?"

I gave him a questioning look, as I was not quite sure as to what he was talking about at this point. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, this morning I got up before it was daytime and I was going downstairs to watch cartoons and when I went by your room to tell you I was up I heard you and dad jumping on the bed."

Oh. My. Goodness!!

"Yes dear, we were just jumping on the bed!"

Oh the things that he says!!

Monday, November 2, 2009

I have little to say about my appointment, and you will find that to your benefit because I am crabby about it. Why? Well thank you for asking! I'm crabby because I waited two weeks for my fertility exam, and really just went in and had the exact same stinkin appointment that I had two weeks ago. The only difference? Two weeks ago was with my regular OB, Dr. T. Dr. T talked a lot to me two weeks ago about my options and then drew some blood to do tests. Today I talked with Dr. H. Dr. H talked a lot with me about my options and then told me his nurse would call me to set up the fertility exam. WHAT?! Is that not the appointment that I scheduled TWO WEEKS AGO?! So basically, I just wasted an entire afternoon. I hired a babysitter, scheduled appointments around it (in other words, I could have been feeding my self-induced therapy of looking at houses this afternoon) and took a lot of my time driving there and back (and having what felt like the same appointment that I had two weeks ago). So, on that note, I am crabby. Dr. T will be receiving a respectful phone call from me to ask what on earth happened. As far as I'm concerned, I would prefer to continue to work with him, anyway.


Sunday, November 1, 2009

I will be the first to admit that I have been absent from blogging. I have taken a short leave-of-absence thinking that it may help me to clear my head a little bit, but it has done exactly the opposite. I have come to discover that blogging is a bit therapeutic for me, it's something I come to enjoy and it's my way of sorting through the thoughts and ideas rolling around in my head. Fear not, dear readers, my absence is done! Hopefully, I will be back to a more regular schedule of blogging. I will be absent no more!

I've come to the point where I can freely admit this: I have told a lie. I'm uncertain if I told this lie to you, but I know for certain that I have told this lie to me. As you may know, I have my fertility exam tomorrow. I've been convinced that, no matter what the results, I won't be bothered by them. I think that today I have discovered that I am the only person who was convinced of that. Unfortunately, the thing that brought about that realization is me reacting less-than-joyfully to a rather joyous announcement, for which I am going to soon apologize, but for now I am going to write about it. Are you confused yet?! Allow me to dive further into this. My oldest brother, Jeremy, called me today with the wonderful news that he and his wife are expecting their third child! While this is splendid news, my reaction to it was nothing but selfish tears. I was upset by the fact that they get to bring a new life into this world when we have been "trying" for 10 months and have only resulted in a miscarriage.

My reaction to my brother was nothing that it should have been. Thankfully, he is big hearted and incredibly gracious and told me that I shouldn't worry, that God has my circumstance in His control and that, no matter what the doctors tell me tomorrow, that is not my final outcome. He reminded me that, if by chance the doctors say that I am unable to have a baby, I need to just look at it as a challenge and remember that my God is bigger than anything any doctor has to say about me.

I am so grateful to God that He has blessed me with such amazing siblings.

So, after shedding some more tears in private, I spend a lot of time thinking about what Jeremy said (and pretending to hide my mix of emotions by searching for houses online!). I realized that he is totally and completely right. While I was definitely telling myself a lie by saying that I would be completely okay if I were to never have my own baby, God knows my heart far better than even I know my heart. The way my body functions is no obsticle for God. He can do far greater things that I can ever ask or imagine - which includes giving us a baby!

So, once again, I fall back on the verse that I so dearly love: Psalm 37:4 - Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

So, for the time being, I am not focusing on today and I am not focusing on this appointment I'm facing, but rather I am focusing on the amazingness of our God. I'm focusing on the unconditional love of my Heavenly Father - and that is all I need to be concerned about!